Paul Blart Mall Cop 6: Duelist of the Roses
by Lee Harvey Oswald
Summary: Paul Blart must face off against Yugi, in a Game of Death.
1. Chapter 1

Paul Blart, Mall Cop, was riding a segway through downtown Detroit. He went up to every minority he could find and yelled, "Don't mess with my mall!"

Then, Yugi came up to the mall cop from behind, also riding a segway. "I'm getting sick of your shit, Paul Blart," said Yugi.

Paul Blart was surprised by this, as he turned around and ejaculated ectoplasm onto Yugi's face, while yelling "Bwaaah!" like Hank Hill.

Yugi screamed "YUGIOOOOHHHHH!", as the illuminati pyramid on his neck summoned the Wiggles.

The Wiggles started to wigglewiggle with it, as Paul Blart turned his Segway to Mach speeds, knocking over the Wiggles like bowling pins. Mall Cop was low on blood sugar, so he escaped to Furgeson, where he could steal candy from minority babies.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Paul Blart was beating minority babies and stealing their candy. The militarized police joined Paul Blart in beating up minority babies.

"That will teach the next generation of minorities to not mess with the police! Paul Blart, do you want to become a real cop?"

"AS LONG AS THEY DON'T MESS WITH MY MALL!"

Paul Blart was given military armor and weapons. He walked out on the street to beat up more minorities before Yugi showed up.

"I found you. Paul Blart, stop attacking minorities, or you will have to face me in a game of death!"

Paul Blart took out his AR-15 and fired at Yugi. Yugi summoned wiggles out of his necklace, who took multiple rounds as body shields for Yugi. Blart took out a 30 round magazine out of his fatass and reloaded his rifle, firing at Yugi again.

"Shit, I am running out of wiggles to take bullets for me." Yugi transported Blart and himself to another dimension. "Listen here, you fat fuck. The only rule of this game is to touch your toes while standing straight up. If you can't do it, you die." He then touched his toes while standing up. "Your turn. You got 60 seconds."

Paul Blart knew he couldn't reach around his waist to touch his toes and needed to lose weight fast. He started to make himself puke by sticking his fat finger in his mouth. He kept making himself puke over and over until he lost enough weight to touch his toes.

"Holy shit. Well, uh, let's play a different game. It is a card game. If you lose this one, you die. First, you need to go and make your own Yu-Gi-Oh deck, so I will let you go to some stores, buy some cards, and maybe practice a little. You got a week." Yugi disappeared and sent Paul Blart back to his own reality.

"Ok, where can I find people who play card games?" Paul Blart started searching for some kids to play with.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

(Shout out to Yahoo news for mentioning my story. yahoo dot com / movies / paul-blart-fan-fiction-116671229252 . html)

A day has passed and Blart needed to find someone to play cards with, fast. He was eating shitloads of food to gain his weight back and was punching babies when eventually he remembered that he was a cop. He can just get his new friends within the U.S. government to detain Yugi in Guantanamo Bay.

Paul Blart walked into the police station and tried to talk to the police there. "Hey fascist pigs, want to do a panty raid?"

"Fuck yeah, panty raid!"

Paul Blart and some SWAT operators loaded up on firearms and entered Yugi's neighborhood. Following traditional ATF training protocol, they proceeded to search the neighborhood for all the dogs they could find and shoot them. They entered Yugi's home and used a tazer on his grandfather and killed him because of the old man's heart condition. They breached Yugi's room door with a shotgun and busted in like a feminist tumblr raid. Yugi was surrounded.

"You guys can detain me, but only if you defeat me in a space jam!"

Suddenly, the SWAT team was teleported into an inter dimensional basketball court. Paul Blart watched in horror as the best basketball players of the world were teleported onto the court. They shot hoop after hoop, the SWAT team unable to shoot a single hoop. They all burned in the pits of hell for losing.

"Paul Blart, I have no choice but to kill you. You and your culture of fat racism will come to an end today!"

Paul's culture of fat racism was passed down from generations of mall cops, and his heritage is very important to him. He couldn't let Yugi destroy his heritage. He had to fight for his people. Blart remembered his fat racist sensei, Wilford Brimley. He was taught to harness the power of his diabeetus, a sacred martial art that should only be used for self-defense, not even for the daily minority beating. He focused his energy into his hands, and fired out a blast of energy while yelling "DIE-A-BEAM-US!" Yugi jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding a life of diabetes. Blart screamed "DIE-A-BEETLES!" and an army of large beetles made from diabeetus energy appeared to attack Yugi. Yugi grabbed a SWAT MP5 and shot at the diabeetles as they came for him. Blart used this opportunity to roll toward him using his spherical mass as a bowling ball, screaming "Don't mess with my fat racist culture, shitlord!" Yugi jumped out of the way again, summoning a blue eyes white dragon to kill Paul with a large blue lazer. Blart charged more energy, and fired a stronger die-a-beam-us blast to clash with the blue lazer, overpowering the dragon and destroying all of its life points.

"I underestimated you, Paul Blart. You are much stronger than you let on." Yugi grabbed another rifle from the SWAT grave and fired. Paul dodged the bullets faster than thousand jews as he rolled on his stomach in a zig-zag fashion, then ramming into Yugi when he ran out of ammo. He was transported back to his own dimension after killing Yugi with his fat ass. Paul sighed and rolled down the highway, continuing his spirit quest across America to spread fat racism.


End file.
